


Amor Aeternus

by BiancaD90, westallenkiss



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec saves Magnus, M/M, Malec, to hell and back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 11:35:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18590461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BiancaD90/pseuds/BiancaD90, https://archiveofourown.org/users/westallenkiss/pseuds/westallenkiss
Summary: What would've happened if Magnus decided to erase his memories of Alec and the shadowhunter went to Edom to get the love of his life back.





	Amor Aeternus

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this after 3x18 aired with my friend (@westallenkiss on twitter, ziamalec here).  
> It's my first time writing angst so you can definitely go on Twitter and scream at me using the hashtag #AmorAeternusFic or just leave me a comment here. 
> 
> Love xx

It's cold. Magnus is cold. He used to have his magic to keep him warm and when that went away he had his Alec to keep him warm. 

And now he has nothing. He feels empty inside, his chest an uninhabited, hollow abyss, its edges bleeding cause that's where his heart has been ripped from. Leaving behind nothing but an empty, hollow, cold void. 

He spent his day walking around New York, going to places he's been to before with Alec cause why not twist that metaphorical knife in the wound some more? Pour some salt in the cuts.

Magnus rolled his eyes at himself. 

He felt the need to down some shots and wallow in self pity but then he remembered his latest experience with alcohol as a mundane so he decided to just aimlessly walk around and see where the road will take him. 

And of course it had to be to the bridge, near the river where he and Alec took Madzie last week after Magnus promised her bubble gum flavored icecream. 

Magnus sighed and leaned against the railing, studying the river, trying to keep his attention focused on the small waves and stop his mind from slipping towards memories he'd rather not remember. 

He grimaced cursing once again his current inability to create a portal, step through it and never look back. To keep living in New York will definitely be a hard task because everything reminded him of the love he lost. 

"My boy", he heard a voice behind him, the voice that usually made his blood boil but now it had the opposite effect. Ice was coursing through his veins and he suddenly felt numb as he turned around, facing the man who ruined his existence. 

"Of course, misfortunes never come singly", Magnus laughed bitterly.  
"What do you want, father?" 

Asmodeus took a step forward and reached out to touch Magnus' cheek. He turned his head to the side, dodging his bony fingers. If Asmodeus could've been capable of showing human emotions he would've definitely looked hurt. 

"I have heard about that despicable shadowhunter ending your relationship and I rushed here to be by your side", he explained and Magnus snorted inelegantly. 

"My love life is none of your business and I know they say misery loves company but I'd rather be alone right now", Magnus said, making a dismissive gesture with his hand and turning around deciding to ignore him. 

He briefly wondered how did his father manage to travel topside but asking might give him the impression he cared and it wasn't the case. 

After a few seconds he snuck a glance to see if his father was still there and huffed when he caught him staring. This was getting ridiculous and Magnus wasn't in the mood to play games. He turned back around. 

"You have 5 minutes. Tell me what it is you desire from me and then leave. Or I will", he said pulling his coat tighter around his body and crossing his arms in front of his chest. 

"You know what I want." Asmodeus answered shortly. "I want my son ruling by my side. I want you to come home."

Magnus pressed his fingertips against his temples, sensing a headache coming his way. He shook his head.

"I can't do that"

"What's keeping you here, in this decaying, decadent world?" Asmodeus asked, his frail patience slowly dissipating. "It's going to implode one day and you can do nothing to stop it. It will be gone, just like that, in the blink of an eye", his father continued, the lilt and grace returning to his voice. 

Magnus knew he was trying to manipulate him. To convince him that Edom was the right choice, that living on Earth was pointless. He took a sharp breath in realizing his father might be right this time. He had no home, no title, no boyfriend. No magic. No identity. No life. Nothing. 

"What's in it for me?" Magnus asked, pursing his lips. Asmodeus smiled, a crude, vicious upturn of his lips that made Magnus cringe cause that meant only one thing. His father knew he had won this battle. He knew that Magnus was ready to cave in. 

The Prince of Hell plucked a vial from inside his shirt, dangling from a chain. It was tubular with a blue, smoky matter swirling around. 

"My magic", Magnus gasped, his hand automatically reaching for it and the blue smoke started swirling rapidly, like it was reacting to its owner. 

"It's yours. All you have to do is say the words", Asmodeus all but purred, amber eyes with slitted pupils full on display, almost like reminding Magnus what he lost. 

Magnus sighed and his last ounce of resistance went away with the air he exhaled. He put his hand out, palm up but before Asmodeus could do anything he spoke again.

"Fine, I'll do it", he started. "Just one more thing."

"Anything", Asmodeus replied quickly, prepared to snap his fingers and lay the entire world at his feet.

"I want you to erase all my memories of Alec", Magnus demanded. At least he wanted to sound demanding and not pleading. He hated looking weak in front of anyone, especially his father. But the pain was unbearable. He had to get rid of it in order to survive. It was the only way. 

"You can't have your perfect son back if he's broken, can you?" Magnus continued and his father smiled broadly at him in a way Magnus could only describe as diabolical.

But as soon as he grabbed Magnus' head with both his hands and started chanting, he knew there was no going back. 

 

"Magnus!"

Alec woke up, cold sweat dripping down his back, to the sound of his own voice screaming for his love. 

He looked around his room for a few seconds trying to pull himself completely out of the dream he just had but couldn't remember much of, except for the intense feeling of despair that came with it.

The sun was sneaking its rays through the curtains and everything was so eerily quiet. Something was wrong and once Alec realized what it was, he was fully awake. 

Magnus was gone, there was no warm body half on top of his, no legs tangled with his own, no nifty fingers threading through his hair or running across his skin, making it prickle with the lightest touch. 

He remembered how odd it felt the first few times when he'd wake up with Magnus wrapped all around him, nose nuzzling his neck and legs automatically constricting around his body whenever he tried to move away and out of the bed. 

Then it became the most natural thing in the world and he found it hard to imagine things being any different. 

But now he had to learn how to live without all that. He had to learn how to live without Magnus and he had no idea where to start. 

Magnus' robe was hung directly in his line of sight and his coffee mug was still on the nightstand along with the newspaper he read the previous morning, trying to find a new place for them to move in. 

They were supposed to move in together. Alec was supposed to propose. They were supposed to be happy. 

Alec couldn't breathe. He got up all of a sudden taking huge gulps of air, trying to calm his frantically beating heart. 

By the time he recovered from the worst panic attack he ever had, his fingernails were embedded in the palms of his hands and he felt an itching need to shoot something. Like an arrow in between Asmodeus' eyes. 

He dragged his trembling fingers down his face and tried to pull himself together. He still had an institute to run and he knew he did the right thing. Magnus will be happy and he will eventually get over him. His father probably gave him his magic and immortality back by now and he was going to be ok. 

"But what about you?" 

His sister's question still remained unanswered. 

"Alec? Are you alive in there?" 

Speak about the devil and she shall appear. Alec dragged himself out of the bed and crawled inside the shower not even bothering to answer to Izzy's question. This was going to be a long day. 

After he got dressed he slowly opened the door of his bedroom, peaking outside to see if his sister was waiting for him in the hallway. The coast was clear so he made a beeline to his office where he buried himself under all the paperwork piling up on his desk promptly ignoring everyone for the rest of the day. He wanted to be left alone to lick his wounds so he banished everyone who came to knock on his door. Except for one person. 

She stormed inside his office without even bothering to knock, throwing daggers at his head with her piercing eyes. 

"I hate you right now and I'd normally just magic moss to perpetually grow in between your toes for the rest of your human life but I need your help. It's Magnus."

Catarina was normally a laid back person but now she was just randomly throwing words at him and the only ones his brain registered were the last two.

She told him everything that happened after Magnus got out the door that morning and returned around an hour ago, his face a blank emotionless canvas and declared on a neutral tone that he was going to Edom with his father. 

"How could you let him leave? And with his father out of all people", Alec asked outraged and furious while creating an indentation in the floorboards with his back and forth pacing. 

She opened her mouth to blame Alec for breaking her best friend's heart but she knew better. She knew that they would only waste time trying to find someone to pin the blame on. And she got to know Alec pretty well lately so she assumed he had a solid reason to break up with Magnus. 

"Listen, we could stay here and argue all night but you I both know it will not do us, or Magnus for that matter, any good", Catarina started and Alec finally ceased his pacing, letting himself fall on the couch, head hanging low between his shoulders, fingers tightly laced together.

Catarina's heart broke when she saw he was continuously pinching at the skin of his hand, a gesture she only surprised Alec doing when Magnus was laying unconscious on the infirmary bed.

"Did he- did he have his magic back?" He asked on a weak tone and Catarina's eyes went wide. 

She sat down next to him and placed her palm on top of his hand. The pinching stopped and when Alec looked up at her, his eyes were swimming in unshed tears. 

"Oh Alec, what have you done?" 

He smiled sadly. "All I ever wanted for him was to be happy", Alec almost whispered, his voice breaking with each word he uttered. "So I made a deal with Asmodeus"

"And let me guess", Catarina said, rage tinting her tone. "He asked you to breakup with Magnus and not tell him anything about it". 

At that, Alec nodded helplessly. "So you understand why I can't do anything about it. My hands are tied"

Catarina sprung back up and Alec was so startled he reflexively followed her lead. 

"Like hell you can't!" She raised her voice and Alec flinched. "Listen to me, Magnus adores you and he's been through some rough times but he would never choose his magic over you. Yes, it's part of who he is and recovering from that put him through hell but he would've gotten better because he had you by his side. Now, his magic means nothing because he lost you", she finished and sat back down on the couch, like the speech she just gave Alec depleted her of her energy. 

"We can't just abandon him Alec", he whispered after a few seconds of silence and looked up at the shadowhunter when she heard him sniffle. She watched him quickly wipe at his eyes then he pulled his phone out and pressed one button. 

"I told Asmodeus the same thing then did the exact opposite. This is my fault. But I'll fix it", Alec said and Catarina could see the determination burn in his hazel eyes. He made a move for the door and she silently followed him out and down the hallway, heading for the ops center. She could already see Clary, Jace and Isabelle waiting for them there but before they could fully step inside the room Alec placed a hand on her shoulder snapping her attention back to him. 

"I'm going to bring him back Cat"

The plan was simple. In theory. Alec will get to Edom through the entrance in Faerie. Clary will open a portal for him near the tunnels so the Queen wouldn't be able to detect his presence on her territory and risk more problems than they already had and Isabelle contacted Meliorn to be there waiting for Alec and help him navigate his way as far as he would be allowed to go. 

"Remember, you can't be in there for too long or else you'll start slipping away and end up trapped in your own personal nightmare", Isabelle said while giving him a quick hug and Alec gently caressed her ebony hair. 

"I'm already living my worst nightmare Iz", he whispered and let her go only for Clary to fing herself in his arms. 

"Go bring him back to us", she said and looked up at him, a fierceness in her eyes Alec hated at first but got to love about the petite redhead. He just nodded at her.

"Be careful brother", it was Jace's turn to embrace his parabatai and Alec just cocked an eyebrow at him. 

"I'm always careful, you take care and try not to burn down my institute", he warned and Jace did a salute. 

"Ok", he sighed, wiping his sweaty palms against the front of his jeans, "I'm going to go get my boyfriend back now"

And with that he stepped inside the swirling portal. 

"I assume the lovely Isabelle explained to you the risks of being in that infernal realm for too long, shadowhunter", Meliorn said giving Alec a side look as they made their way through the tunnel connecting Faerie and Edom.  
It gradually started to become hotter and hotter in the confined space meaning they were getting closer. Alec suddenly found it hard to breathe.  
What will he say to Magnus when he sees him? What if Asmodeus will take his magic away once he learns Alec broke their agreement? 

"This is as far as I can go", Meliorn announced after a couple of minutes and he stopped walking. Alec got pulled out of his head by his voice and turned around to face him.

"You'll get to the entrance in a few more steps. May your Angel be with you. Or whatever", Meliorn finished and started going back.

"Thank you, I will not forget this", Alec called after him and the seelie just made a farewell motion with his hand, slowly disappearing into the darkness. 

Alec started walking again and soon enough he saw a faint red light in the distance. The end of the tunnel and the beginning of the path inside Edom.  
As soon as he stepped on the scorched land, Alec looked up and saw Asmodeus' pets circling the sky. The Asmodei were just as nasty as their maker and he took the road to his left praying to Raziel they won't notice him. 

It took him a while, walking and keeping an eye on the sky but then there it was.

Magnus' apartment building materialized itself in front of him, a damaged, wrecked image of what he used to know.  
And Magnus was there, looking up at it, trying to get inside but the door wouldn't budge.

Naturally, Alec's first instinct was to run and call out to him but he stopped dead in his tracks when Magnus turned around and looked at him, confusion adorning his beautiful features. 

He was wearing the same clothes as the other day but they were all torn apart like he's been wearing them for years. It seemed that time passed differently in Edom. Also, there was a vial with an incandescent substance on a chain around his neck, something Alec hasn't seen Magnus wear before.

"I'm so sorry Magnus, for everything I said the other night. I love you so much, please come back home with me", he started, reaching out to touch his face but the warlock flinched and moved farther away from him. Alec's heart broke at the sight but it was no surprise after all, of course Magnus would want nothing to do with him after he said all those hurtful things. 

"J- just hear me out, ok?" Alec continued. "I know you will be furious by the time I finish saying this but you will understand why I had to do it."

Magnus narrowed his eyes and tentatively took a step closer. Oh, my Magnus, what did he do to you? Alec thought seeing the fear and distrust in his lover's eyes. He looked like a cornered animal. Alone and scared and broken.

"I summoned Asmodeus and asked him to give you your magic and immortality back but I had to pay a price", he started and Magnus didn't look surprised. After all, there was always a price to pay when it came to his father. 

"He asked me to break up with you Magnus. Break your heart to save your life. And I did it", Alec finished with devastating simplicity. "Because all i ever wanted was for you to be happy. Even if that meant I'll be alone for the rest of my life. I meant what I said Magnus. You are it to me. And if I couldn't have you, I would've preferred to be alone for the rest of my life."

Magnus' face softened and he reached out a shaking hand towards Alec's face. He let out a lung shattering breath as the skin of Magnus' palm connected to his face, closing his eyes at the sensation.

"Who are you?" Magnus asked. "I don't know you but you look so sad. Why are you so sad?"

The first three words Magnus uttered felt like the entire building collapsing on top of Alec, crushing him under its weight and something snapped deep inside him. Alec never thought his heart could possibly shatter further. 

"Magnus", Alec tried again taking a deep breath and it hurt like hell, burning his insides.  
"It's me, Alec. Alexander. What do you mean you don't know me? You do know me and I'm here to help you"

He absolutely hated the fact that Magnus was still looking at him like he was pretty much crazy.

"I don't need your help. I don't even know who you are. How can I trust you?" Magnus growled.  
"Just... stay away from me"

"You can trust me, let me prove it to you." Alec whispered softly.  
"You are in love with me, and I am in love with you. We have history together"

He tried to bring Magnus closer in his arms but he started fighting Alec, shoving him out of the way and trying to run off but he stumbled and fell to the ground. 

Alec was quick to pick him back up and sat with him on the floor, "It's me, Magnus. Try to remember, try to remember the first time you saw me." 

Magnus shook his head, ignoring him, lost inside his own mind. "No one stays with me, everyone always leaves." 

"I never left, Magnus. I was always right here. I had to be the one to let you go so you could have your magic back, it looks like I made a huge mistake." Alec tried to explain, desperately tried to fix the damage Asmodeus caused.

"They locked me out of my apartment, I need to get inside. And I need you to leave me alone, please." Magnus just didn't want to hear it, any of it. 

"No, I won't leave you", Alec said on a firmer tone, hellbent on convincing Magnus and make him remember everything.  
This was his only shot and he'd rather succumb to darkness while trying to get his Magnus back than keep living in a world without him in it.

"Remember the first time we met when I helped you kill that demon? You did your thing with your magic and I was completely and utterly smitten with you", he said, a little smile up turning one corner of his mouth reminiscing what a babbling mess he's been when the warlock introduced himself.

"Remember the time you asked for me and I gave you my strength to help heal Luke? Remember how you trusted me? How you said that I'm more than just a pretty face and that a shadowhunter with such an open heart was a rare thing? Remember how you asked if we could hang out and I tried so hard to resist you, to deny my feelings for you but you waltzed your way right inside my heart, making it your permanent home and I ended up kissing you in front of everyone while I was supposed to be marrying someone else?  
I walked down that isle and grabbed you and kissed you with everything that I had after you literally crashed my wedding. That was my first kiss Magnus. You were my first everything and i intend you to be my last."

The warlock flinched at Alec's words like they physically hurt him, his head twitching and spasming with jerky movements. He grabbed his temples and started massaging at them with his fingertips, trying to release the built up pressure. 

"Remember our first date when we played pool and you totally hustled me?" Alec continued, animated by the reaction he got from Magnus, thinking his memories are blocked and his boyfriend massaging his temples was a positive thing, not knowing their life together was swaying back and forth in front of his eyes in that vial around the warlock's neck.

"Remember our first time, when you told me that sometimes you lose control then you showed me your beautiful eyes and I fell just a little bit more in love with you? Remember the omamori I got you to bring you luck and protection after we spent the night on that terrace in Japan just looking up at the stars? You kissed me that night and I could see it, I could picture forever by your side. I knew then that our love would be eternal. Remember, Magnus please remember, you are the only person in this world who belongs to me and I belong to you because remember that time after Valentine's attack when I thought I lost you and I ended up confessing my love for you. The feelings were there long before I said them out loud and by doing so, they became more real and powerful.  
Shortly after that we got into a fight, it was pretty bad, you left me because I lied to you but really it was because I didn’t want to put you in that impossible situation where you had to conceal things from your people. We were separated for two days but Magnus, I swear it felt like an eternity"

"Then we reunited and I told you that I don't think I can live with you and everything was okay. Because our love was strong and it could overcome everything life threw at us. But afterwards, after finding that damn box I became so scared of growing old and you watching me die and you made me believe that you would and could love me even when I'm old and gray"

Alec was breathing hard by this point, like all the memories he spoke off were taking their toll on him but it was just the emotion and hope he was pouring in his words. And perhaps Edom's influence starting to taint his heart. But Alec didn't have time to think about that. He had more stories to tell Magnus.

"Everything was okay again for a little while, we had everything we needed and we started going on more trips together and i didn't think it was possible but I fell in love even harder because remember the dance in Havana? You hated my two left feet, but you still loved me despite me not being able to dance. So you see? We enjoyed the beautiful moments and overpasses the ugly ones because that's how strong our love is"  
Alec breathed in, licking his dry lips and gave Magnus a smile, a soft one and he almost cried when Magnus offered one in return.  
He knew he had to keep going. 

"Remember all of our breakfasts? We love eating breakfast together because I can actually make decent waffles and French toast. Remember the time I fed you breakfast in bed and you did the same for me? Remember our little ice cream date with Madzie and because you gave in and let her have sprinkles I told you you’d be an excellent father despite both our fathers not exactly being the best? I know you felt that moment too, I know you can imagine starting a family with me because I’d love that. I really would. Raising a child together, spoil them but at the same time teach them some restraint because that’s what makes it all worth while, to see the smile on your child’s face..." 

Alec started to tear up by this point, his body shaking slightly, losing control more and more, the despair making a nest in his chest at the thought of never getting the chance to have all this because he could literally feel Magnus slipping from him. Or was it just Edom preparing to throw him over the edge into the great nothingness? Was Magnus remembering? Should he continue? 

He found it hard to separate reality from the nightmare bits the land started to plant inside his brain and soul.

But he kept trying with the little bit of memories he had left.  
"Remember our training session and you always dropping names but never admitting to it? How that escalated and we snuck inside my bedroom acting like two horny teenagers?" He laughed a bit at that and Magnus gave him a sympathetic look. 

"I never ever wanted to be a burden in your life. I never ever wanted you to think that I didn’t love you. I didn’t want you to ever think that I would break your heart when you needed me most. The last thing you said to me was that you know I’m not that selfish and I’m not. I’d do anything for you, Magnus, literally anything. Please remember, true love exists and ours will live on forever. Because I will love you for the rest of my life, please don’t let go Magnus, you have to try. You have to believe in us. Remember me, Magnus...”

Alec started to lose control, his vision hazy and distorted. His body was growing weaker, Edom's influence slowly pulling him under. 

He blinked, shaking his head a few times and looked at Magnus who went past the fear and confusion over who he was and what he was doing there and was currently experiencing a new kind of puzzlement. He kept touching his cheeks, the tips of his fingers coming out wet with tears. 

"Why am I crying?" He asked himself and looked down at his chest because he suddenly heard a crack. The vial around his neck was made of glass and it was cracking, the substance spinning around faster and faster until it burst out in a sphere encompassing both of them. Alec looked around and he could see himself in different places and states through Magnus' eyes. The vial contained Magnus' memories of him. 

He saw himself walking down the aisle, blushing at a small gesture, smiling, grimacing, rolling his eyes, laughing hard with his head tilted back, laying on his back while his cheek was being caressed by a warm hand and he finally realized what he looked like to Magnus. Like something close to a celestial being. An angel. 

The warlock got up and closed his eyes, arms open wide, welcoming his memories back to him. They got sucked back inside his head and he opened his eyes, brown turning into liquid gold. 

"Alexander, you came for me" he sighed and Alec just let himself fall in his stretched out, welcoming arms.

"I remember everything now, I never loved anyone as much as i love you, out of all those centuries of memories, you’re the only one I never want to lose. But it hurt so much, I couldn't handle them after losing you. For that I'm deeply sorry my love", Magnus cried, choking on a sob as his shadowhunter went limp in his arms, the demonic nature of that cursed land trying to claim his pure soul.

The Shadowhunter who went to the ends of the earth all the way down to hell to save him. The shadowhunters who loved him more than anyone in the world. The shadowhunter who wanted a life with him, kids and unending happiness. 

"I can’t lose you either. I know you never wanted to be a burden, I know how much I hurt you when I told you my magic was more important. I can’t lose you, I love you Alexander, come back. Come back. Please come back...”

There was one last sob, one last cry as his tears fell against Alec’s cheek and suddenly his eyes opened, he was shaking, gripping on to Magnus and looking to him as if he seeing for the first time just like he always did. Every look would be just like the first time he laid eyes on him. 

"I'm not going anywhere", Alec whispered and rested his forehead against Magnus'. Then, he nuzzled their noses together and placed a sweet, longing peck on his lips. 

"You and me, we always seem to find our way back to each other", Magnus said in return and felt Alec's smile as he kept kissing him on his lips, his cheeks, his nose, his closed eyes, his forehead.

"Let's go home", the shadowhunter uttered and Magnus automatically snapped his fingers, creating a portal. He then grabbed Alec's hand, squeezing tight with no intention to ever let go again.

"You are my home"


End file.
